There is nothing more satisfying that setting goals for yourself and reaching them, and then setting some more. This past year and a half has been awfully hard, utter loneliness is something I don't wish upon anybody. However, it certainly facilitated a period of self-discovery, growth and renaissance. In my darkest times two things have always helped: writing and exercise. Writing came easily to me and triggered a needed distance from my thoughts, it yielded objectivity and issued a visual record. From time to time I refer back to the 2 journals I filled and track my thought process, trying to make sense of it and figure out what is best for me.
Exercise was whole different story, because 6 months ago I could barely go up a flight of stairs without being short of breath. When I moved to Seattle I made a promise to myself to start a new life, I wrote down a list of goals, had a serious talk with myself and set out to meet them. I now find myself running 6.5 miles every morning and have lost about 12 lbs and most importantly I feel healthy and empowered. Seattle is beautiful and there is nothing better than starting your day at 6 or 7 am with a long run through a beautiful neighborhood with a view of the snowy olympic mountain range, and sometimes fresh rain falling on you. It's liberating and a good way to channel fear and anger into something that is so tangible and physical.
I also love my job, I work at a wonderful organization with a wonderful group of people and I'm really grateful for that. I'm also happy that I continue to work with photography programs for youth at risk because I really believe that photography provides a language and vehicle for learning multiple things that seem otherwise unrelated to the medium and art is such a fantastic approach to child development. I have also been spending a great deal of time on my own photography and feel very inspired to continue to do it every day. I haven't been posting new work as often, but that's because I think I have found my pace and I'm learning to be patient and spend time with my work before publishing it. I have been scanning, editing, writing and thinking about it. I have lots of ideas and I'm trying not to do them all at once but rather give each the attention it deserves.
Not to say that there haven't been set backs and disappointments, because, well, a big part of me still feels shattered and somewhat empty. I still feel hurt but I have come to terms with the fact that it is the kind that will never go away, it's those bits from your past that stay in you forever, the unavoidable ones that will remind you for the rest of your life.
I leave you with my new favorite band.